Heartbeat
by evilteddybear
Summary: The struggles of life, love and selfcontrol as a vampire. Spoilers for manga ch. 125. KuroFai Discontinued
1. The Beginning

Revised: I fixed some errors and added Mokona.

Story: Heartbeat

Authors: evilteddybear and **Hyuu92**!

Genre: Romance/Angst

Summary: The struggles of life, love and self-control as a vampire. Spoilers for manga ch. 125.

Date completed: 09/01/06

Disclaimer: Me no own. You no sue.

A/N: This story was spawned as a result of Hyuu92 asking me to write more vampire fics. I said I'd do it if she helped. She did. Thus the fic. I am doing 2 scenes a chapter. So far I'm planning 9 scenes and it isn't finished. We're looking at at least 5 chapters.

Rant: I would like to take this time to be mad. On my last first drabble I got 0 reviews out of 371 hits! Now if I got 2 hits, 0 reviews would be understandable. I do not appreciate you people reading my fic and then blowing me off! If I don't at least get one review for this chapter I'll probably not continue the fic! Gees, people!

TrustTrustTrustTrustTrustTrustTrustTrustTrustTrustTrustTrustTrustTrustTrustTrust

The children have been placated Fai hugged Mokona & Sakura telling them I' m alright. Fai smiled his smile at Syaoran.

There had been a brief explanation of this world. It had plumbing and electricity. They were taken in at the price of being warriors for the lord's guard. Now that all that was done, Fai was alone with Kurogane.

"Do you remember all that's happened?" Kurogane asked calmly.

"Yes I remember." Fai sounded tired, weak. Yesterday's events wore heavily on him. He was exhausted and…hungry.

Kurogane crossed the room in two strides. He raised his arm so that his wrist was in front of Fai's face.

"Drink," Kurogane commanded, "You are weak. This is a world with war. You can't afford to be weak."

"Kuro-tin, even if I drink your blood I'll still be weak," Fai joked morosely.

"Didn't you hear me? I said drink, damn it!"

Looking Kurigane in the eye Fai smiled, always smiled, and said, " Ehh…no."

He knew Kurogane could probably make him with their difference in physical strength at the moment. Well he couldn't force him to swallow…could he? Maybe if he plugged Fai's nose so that he had to swallow before he could breathe.

Still, to drink Kurogane's blood was to admit that Fai was inhuman. It would make the predicament an irreversible reality. To know that he could only live by causing another pain, not just another but Kurogane. It was horrifying. No, he would not condone that.

Kurogane gave in for now. If Fai collapsed then Kurogane would force feed him no matter what the witch said.

"Kuro-puu," Fai said, "Now that we're stuck together, we had better form a working relationship. It will cause us both a lot of trouble if we don't get along. That means you need to try to stop hitting me all the time."

"Oh no! Don't you try to pin these problems on me! I'm not the one who doesn't want us to be close. Why don't you ever tell me or the kids anything important, anything about yourself?" Kurogane replied waspishly.

"But Kuro-wanko, I talk to you almost non-stop!"

"I know why," Kurogane continued. "Because you don't want to get close to us. Why don't you want to be close to us?"

"Kuro-tan," Fai replied, "I'm very close to you guys. I even sleep next to you most nights!"

"I know the awnser to that question, too. It's because you don't trust us! Why don't you trust us?"

Fai snapped back, "Well, since you've decided you know everything about me, why don't you tell me?"

"Have we given you reason to doubt us? Have we not come thgouth as your friends at every opportunity? Have I not saved life, fought for you, many times?"

"You have all been wonderful friends to me. I trust you more than I trust anyone else save for one person," Fai replied truthfully. The only person he might have trusted more was Chii. Chii had always been there for him in every way.

"Bull shit!" Kurogane said, "You don't trust us at all! Why won't you trust me!"

The change in Kurogane's wording from "us" to "me" did not escape Fai.

When Fai spoke again his eyes and expression had turned into a faraway look of despair, "I don't trust you because the last time I totally trusted someone, I was betrayed terribly."

Well, that wasn't the only reason Fai kept his distance from them. It wasn't even the main reason, but that was all Fai was willing to tell Kurogane for now.

He wouldn't have told the kids anything. He supposed that he must trust Kurogane more than he trusted the others.

Kurogane brought his face close to Fai's as he spoke his next wordswith conviction, "I am not your betrayer. We are completely different people. I have not betrayed anyone in my life, and I'm not about to start by betraying you."

Fai did think about what Kurogane said as he lie in bed awake that night. Maybe Kurogane was right. Maybe…he could trust Kurogane a little. He didn't think he could stand being hurt again. Still if he didn't take any risks he would probably never get any happier.

BloodBloodBloodBloodBloodBloodBloodBloodBloodBloodBloodBloodBloodBloodBlood

"What are you going to do when we get to the palace, Syaoran-kun?" Fai asked with a smile.

"First I'll check to see if there's a library o-" Syaoran's words were cut off as they rounded the corner of the road.

There had been a fight, and there was blood all over the street. Two or three unconscious people were still on the ground. One man was limping away with a hand over the wound on his leg.

Fai froze and stared. The red of the blood was so brilliant that it was hypnotizing. Hunger rose from Fai's stomach seeping through his body and consuming him. The metallic scent of the blood filled his nostrils and made them flare wide.

He could hear what he guessed to be the men's heartbeats. He could also hear heartbeats behind him, the heartbeats of his companions. One set of heartbeats from behind him was especially large, resounding powerfully in his head.

The ex-magician quickly turned away from the scene only to find himself staring directly at Kurogane. The fire of his hunger burned hotter. Fai took an involuntary step towards Kurogane, as if his feet had a mind of their own.

"Kurogane," Fai moaned hoarsely. He leaned forward resting his head against the ninja's shoulder. With Kurogane so close it took all of Fai's control to not just bite down into him.

Sakura turned from the bloody scene at the sound of Fai's voice. What was wrong with him? She gasped when he noticed the claws now on the hands resting at Fai's sides. Mokona turned to bury his head against Sakura's. Syaoran stepped slightly in front of Sakura, so he could protect her... in case something bad was to happen.

Kurogane reached up to guide the back of Fai's head until Fai's mouth was resting against his neck. Maybe now the idiot would take what he needed.

At this Fai's control snapped. His mouth opened wide, and be bit down into the vein in the side of Kurogane's neck.

Kurogane felt hot, as if he were being burned from the inside as his blood was sucked out of him. It had hurt when Fai bit into him. Somehow Kurogane hadn't anticipated the prospect of pain.

Slowly both those pains faded leaving him hyper aware of his closeness to Fai.

Kurogane could feel a light brushing of Fai's body along the length of his own. Fai's warm mouth was moving over his neck.

The feel of his soft lips, the warm wet inside of his mouth, the pressure of his teeth, the suction, and the slight tickling of his tounge were almost sensual.

Fai's hair was soft in Kurogane's hand, and he began to massage the back of the wizard's head gently.

Kurogane felt his life and warmth pouring into Fai, felt their lives connecting. He felt sorrow, fear, confusion, content, and satisfaction all at once. He was not certain the emotions were all his own. Kurogane was so close to Fai that the blonde's emotions could have been connected to his.

After a minute Kurogane began to feel tired and the edges of his vision began to blur. He knew he had lost too much blood. He pulled Fai's head away from his neck then stepped back several paces. He didn't know how Fai would react to the separation. He knew that the wizard could get out of control in his thirst for blood.

Fai locked eyes with Kurogane. There was such sorrow reflected in the blonde's eyes. Kurogane felt an inexplicable wave of loss. He felt so alone without his connection to Fai. He wanted to go back to Fai. He longed for the closeness, the completion.

Kurogane's rationality soon reasserted itself, and he smashed down his urge.

Fai felt the physical exhaustion of the past few days disappear with the life force of Kurogane now flowing through his veins.

Instead he felt emotionally and mentally exhausted. His connection with Kurogane followed by the feeling of loss coupled with the horror he felt at his actions, his drinking of blood, took the energy out of him.

Fai felt ashamed and apprehensive of the future knowing Sakura and Syaoran had seen the whole thing. What must they think of him now? No smile was to be found on Fai's face as he said, "Let's skip the palace and go home, or at least let me go home alone. I don't feel well."

Sakura was terrified as she saw the blood on his teeth when he spoke.

PreviewPreviewPreviewPreviewPreviewPreviewPreviewPreviewPreviewPreviewPreview

"Fai, it's time to go home," Ashura said as he moved forward.


	2. Reconciliation and Ashura

A.N: I don't feel like doing the big list today. :P Did I take to long to update? If you have a complaint, tell me in a review. This is only four and a half pages typed, but on paper it was 10 pages. Now what you've all been waiting for:

FearFearFearFearFearFearFearFearFearFearFearFearFearFearFearFearFear

When they came into the house Syaoran didn't put his sword down. He was worried something unfortunate would happen to Sakura.

When Fai came inside he saw Sakura sitting on the floor with Mokona on her shoulder. He slipped out of his shoes, and then walked over to her.

He reached a hand out to help her up saying, "Let's go cook dinner, Sakura-chan." Sakura's fear got the best of her. Instead of grabbing his hand she shrank back against the wall.

For a second Fai's mask fell and a look of despair crossed his face. Yes, of course she was afraid of him after what had happened yesterday. Fai should've known that, should've planned for it. Mokona and the children were probably all terrified of him.

When Fai smiled again it was strained. "Well if you don't feel like it, I'll just cook by myself today. Why don't you go and get to know the new Syaoran a bit better, Sakura?"

After that Fai walked over to the small kitchenette to make everyone dinner.

Syaoran put his sword down finally. Sakura straightnend up.

Kurogane had watched the whole thing out of the corner of his eye while pretending to read his magazine. He wanted to comfort Fai, but he didn't know how. He couldn't give him physical reassurance, because they weren't in a relationship. Kurogane wasn't good with words either.

Mokona was afraid of Fai, too, but more than that he was afraid for Fai.

"Sakura," Mokona said, "We are afraid of Fai. I know that, but Fai is still Fai, the friend we have traveled with for almost a year. We are hurting him. It hurts him that we are afraid of him."

Sakura hadn't really thought much about that. For a long moment. Compassion and fear warred within her. In most people fear was stronger, but Sakura was different than most people. Mokona was right. Fai was their friend. Compassion won out.

Quickly Sakura got up and ran over to Fai hugging him from behind. "I'm sorry Fai," she said. The sound was muffled against his back.

Fai knew his psychology. Psychologically Sakura would be less afraid of him if he wasn't towering over her. He turned around and got on his knees with her hands in his.

"Sakura, I will do everything in my power to keep you from getting hurt," Fye told her.

They smiled at another, and this time Fai's smile wasn't as strained.

TheAlleyTheAlleyTheAlleyTheAlleyTheAlleyTheAlleyTheAlleyTheAlleyTheAlley

It was getting late and the sun was almost set. Fai decided that since he was late he should take a shortcut through the alleyways. He had a good sense of direction. Fai could handle andy thugs or robbers that might be lurking about.

Right after Fai had turned into the first alleyway he heard a very familiar voice, "Fai!"

He spun on his heel to look at the person behind himself. Long impossibly straight black hair, an aristocratic face with high cheekbones with a pointed chin and amber eyes greeted him.

There were no jewels on his forehead, but it was Ashura-ou sure enough. He was coming towards Fai.

For every step Ashura-ou took forwards, Fai took a step back.

"What are you doing here, Fai? It's time to go home," Ashura-ou said.

It was always hard to tell with Ashura-ou, but Fye thought the King might have been angry. Well, after what Fye did he had every right to be angry.

Fai was so afraid. Terrified was more like it, terrified and horrified. Death had come for him finally. He thought that he would calmly accept his death, now that it had Fye realized that he didn't want to die. He wanted to continue traveling with his family. At least Ashura hadn't found him with the others. He couldn't stand it if they died because of him.

What could Fai say? What could he do? .

Ashura hadn't attacked him yet. Still if Fye attacked him, Ashura wouldn't hesitate to retaliate. Seeing Ashura brought up so many of Fye's buried emotions.

The strongest emotion, panic, grabbed Fai's heart in a tight fist. Okay, calm down. Fai was still panicked but he needed to be ready to fight. He poised and balanced himself so he could move any way at any time.

When Fai stepped back again he felt his back hit the wall of the houses behind him. He was trapped in a corner. There was no place to run anymore.

"It's time to come home with me, Fai," Ashura-ou said calmly, regally.

"Stay away from me!" Fai yelled in a moment of blind panic. As Ashura-ou stepped forward Fai brought his hand to push Ashura-ou away.

Instead Fai saw the claws on his hand slice through Ashura-ou's torso. Ashura-ou stepped forward just as the claws reached to around the middle of his chest accidentally impaling himself on Fai's claws.

Blood burst forward onto Fai. Then Ashura-ou fell down sideways as Fai yanked his claws out of Ashura-ou's chest. There was so much blood. Fai must have pierced Ashura-ou's heart.

A grimace of pain on his face betrayal in his eyes Ashura-ou spoke his last words, "Why, Fai?"

Fai's claws sank back into his hands as Fai sank to the ground.

It made a grotesque picture. In the dark there was blood covering Fai's hand and arm. There was blood all over his shirt and pants. There was blood on his face and in his hair. There was Ashura-ou's corpse with glazed eyes laying beside him in the dark alley.

Fai was sitting in a pool of blood, and he was crying.

Everything was over now. No one was coming after him anymore. He could stop running. He should be happy.

Fai wasn't happy. The last bit of Celes he would ever see was gone. The man that had meant everything to Fai was gone, dead, and Fai had killed him. It was worse than suicide to live knowing that he had killed Ashura.

It might have been minutes. It might have been hours that Fai sat there lost in his misery and his memories.

Then he remembered what he had learned from all this. Whatever his preconceived notions of misery were. He no longer wanted to die, because of his family.

A family that he loved, a family, because of Kurogane's sacrifice, he no longer felt he was unneeded in. For his family and for himself he wanted to live.

Now Fai realized something else. To continue to live he would need to be stronger, strong enough to get out of this puddle, strong enough even to get over his misery and his memories.

Fai didn't gather his courage to get out of his personal blood puddle. He had little to no courage. Instead he gathered his newly acquired hope. Fai stood up.

Looking around the alley Fai saw that Ashura wasn't wearing the clothes of Celes. He was wearing this country's clothes. He could have at least gotten something regal, but these were peasant's clothes. Why would Ashura need to change clothes? All he had to do was go straight to Fai.

Ashura was wearing this county's clothes. He didn't have the jewels on his forehead. He hadn't used his magic to defend himself. Come to think of it all that Ashura had said was that it was time to come home. He should at least have said something about Fai's betrayal. He should have been angrier.

Entwined souls often knew each other in several worlds, so it would make sense if….This man wasn't Ashura-ou at all! He was just some poor incarnation of this dimension. The poor man had mistaken Fai for the Fai of this dimension.

The wave of releif and bitter disappointment Fai felt sent him back to his knees. Ashura-ou wasn't dead! Fai hadn't killed him! It was great that Fai hadn't killed his most important person, but… Ashura-ou wasn't gone, so Fai would have to keep running. His misery wasn't over…

No, that was the wrong way to think. His friends were still alive and he still had to be strong for everyone's sake, strong enough to protect them from Ashura-ou. Fai got back up and headed back to his family.

It was so late at night that it was probably the morning, and no one was on the streets. His family should all be asleep.

He couldn't sneak past Kuro-pon, but he could shower in the downstairs bathroom. He'd throw away his bloody clothes, and go through the room he shared with Kurogane in a towel.

If Kurogane asked where he'd been and why he needed to shower, Fai would make up an excuse that made himself look amazingly idiotic. Then Kurogane would be disgusted with him and ask no further questions.

Yes, no one else had to know. It would be just as if this incident had never happened…

PreviewPreviewPreviewPreviewPreviewPreviewPreviewPreviewPreviewPreview

"If you don't start telling me what's going on," Kurogane threatened, "I'm going to assume that your vampire nature has caused you to go on a killing spree. Then I'll have to start thinking of ways to deal with you before you come after me and the kids!"

A.N: So, did I fool you? Did I? Did I? Huh? Did you think it was the real Ashura? Did you think Kurogane wouldn't find out? Please tell me in a review!


End file.
